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We have problems, yes, but let’s put things in perspective

I don’t think I’m going too far out on a limb when I say that a lot of people are losing perspective. I won’t be too specific, because if you’re on one ideological team, you probably think I’m referring to the other team. One common practice to avoid flying off the handle is to count to 10 before saying anything you might regret. Another good piece of advice is to imagine that the person or people you’re angry at are working from good intentions. Here’s another thought exercise that might be useful: Consider the possibility that the things we worry about the most might ...

The care behind the card

Dear Annie: Frequently, we read letters from your readers who are mystified about the fact that when they send a card or a package carefully wrapped and mailed, the recipient does not even think about the fact that love played a major role in this. We often send cards with money and a note of love to young family members. No reply! Not that we want the receiver to feel obligated; we just want to know that in their busy days they thought of us for at least 15 minutes while they opened what was sent. Hopefully, after reading the note, they would make a quick phone call or send an email. ...

Slowly simmering

Dear Annie: I am part of a cooking club that meets the second Tuesday of each month. Each member buys food and we cook a recipe chosen by the host. There are 15 members. Each has to host once every 15 months. We are all females in our 50s or 60s. There’s a handful of members who always attend and a larger group that rarely (like never) attend. The ones that attend would like to get rid of the ones that never attend. Annie, how do we diplomatically get rid of the nonattendees? We’ve tried asking in email and face to face if they want to be a part of the group and they always ...

Mass shootings a product of America’s mercenary culture

VANCOUVER, British Columbia — Every time there’s another mass shooting in America — and there have been many relative to other nations — the country spends a few days trying to pinpoint the root cause in a futile attempt to prevent it from happening again. None of the explanations offered thus far adequately explain why this keeps happening. Sure, America has easy access to firearms, but so does Switzerland, and mass shootings there are virtually unheard of. Nor is America the only country on earth grappling with racism, or mental illness, or social alienation, or violent video ...

Controlling daughter-in-law

Dear Annie: The problem is not with our son, but his wife. They dated in high school and college, and she was friendly and nice to us during those periods, visiting us quite often. They were married after living together for more than five years, and during that time we had good relations with them. They would visit us once a week. My son and daughter-in-law are well-educated, and they now have two young daughters, ages 6 and 3. The girls are very attached to us. But our daughter-in-law controls the girls and they rarely visit us. When they do visit, their mother won’t let the kids ...

Tip of the hat, wag of the tail

Dear Annie: I live out in the country and have found a consistently wonderful kennel for my dog. The people who work there are the owner and two helpers; all are kind, efficient and obviously dog lovers. The kennel costs $40 per night. My question is, how much of a tip to leave? Sometimes, one of the helpers is working when I pick up my dog, and sometimes it’s the owner. Should I tip differently for the helpers versus owner? Please advise. I want to do right by them! — Asking for a Tip on Tips Dear Asking for a Tip: Thank you for your kind words. You sound like a thoughtful and ...