×

Is this real love?

Dear Annie

Dear Annie: I read your column almost every morning, and I’d love to hear your advice on my situation. I am 20 years old. I’ll be turning 21 this December. (Yippee!) My first real boyfriend and I have been off and on the last six years. Even at our young age, we used drugs, but both have succeeded in our battle against the addiction.

I love my boyfriend very much but sometimes he can be off-putting. He can often get loud and yell and get mad very quickly. Though it’s been many years since it happened, he often brings up the time I cheated on him not long after we first got together. I have admitted my wrongs, but he never just understands how much I just want to move past that and be happy together.

I feel like now we are just together to be together. We’re used to each other’s presence no matter how bad things are between us.

I get along great with his family. They’re like the family I’ve never had. His mother is just like me, and they include me in everything; they love me and tell me it all the time.

I sometimes feel like my boyfriend and I were meant to be — but then I also think about whether I might be happier alone. I’m so confused. Please help ASAP! — Stuck and Confused

Dear Stuck and Confused: Let’s try a thought experiment: Close your eyes and imagine yourself 10 years from now still with the same man — what your life is like together, and, most importantly, how it makes you feel. Then imagine your life 10 years from now having started a new life without him today. Which scenario leaves you feeling lighter and more excited? From your letter, I have a hunch it’s the latter. You are ready for the next chapter of your life, but it can be scary turning the page. However, I am so excited for you to find out what your story holds once you do.

Be prepared. The breakup will likely be painful and messy. I recommend reading “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie for some further guidance on setting boundaries that will help you stay healthy.

Keep in mind that it’s normal to mourn a relationship after it ends: It doesn’t mean that you’re wrong to end it.

Remember just how strong you are: You overcame drug addiction at an incredibly young age, and you will overcome this, too.

Dear Annie: This is an open letter to a woman who commented as I left a designated handicapped bathroom stall: Thank you for your snarky comment that I certainly don’t “look disabled.” Due to orthopedic impairments that are not visible to your discerning eye (two sort of successful hip replacements and a blown Achilles tendon), I am unable to rise from a sitting position without a grab bar or other support — and a toilet paper holder does NOT do it. I owe you no explanation, nor do I merit special attention from other women in that restroom. Please remember that not everyone who has a disabled driver hang tag/plate or uses a designated stall has an obvious impairment, and it is not your place to question that need. I wish you a long healthy life unchallenged by age, arthritis or other impairments. In the meantime, I wish you a bit of common courtesy. — Florida Woman

Dear Florida Woman: Hear, hear. I appreciate this reminder that not all disabilities are obvious. Thanks for writing.

Newsletter

Today's breaking news and more in your inbox

I'm interested in (please check all that apply)
Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *

Starting at $4.62/week.

Subscribe Today