A much bigger picture
Trending
What does success look like to you?
I've been thinking a lot about this as a new calendar year of sports begins. We have athletes of all shapes, sizes and walks of life preparing for their respective seasons. Some are blessed with an endless supply of God-given talent. Some are not, but make up for it with a driven, tireless work ethic.
Very few check both - or either - boxes. The majority are just trying to make the most of the opportunities in front of them, despite struggling to understand what that even means in the first place and why it matters.
Adults often forget how confusing teenage life can be. It's easy for us to speak with the perspective of wisdom and even regret to our children, who really don't have any reason to have either yet. We also tend to gloss over the time, effort and commitment it takes just to be involved in an activity in the first place.
No two kids come from the same boat. Even within the same families, their skills, interests, accomplishments and even attitudes often look vastly different.
Again, this is typically confusing for parents. I know I've had to confront this myself. I wish I had a dollar for every time I said or thought, "we've raised them the same..." as a qualifying barometer.
That rarely matters. You may have relative control when it comes to their baseline values and the expectations in your own household, but everything else is in play - from wildly different interests to possibly even behavior.
So let's talk about "success." We all want our kids to be successful, right? Our intentions and motives usually come from the right place, but we're often hyperfocused on results.
I'm going to concentrate on sports performance for obvious reasons to stay on topic, but this is really applicable for anything from activities to grades to everyday life.
I've seen highly-skilled athletes basically roll out of bed and succeed - especially at the prep level. They're naturally gifted; sometimes physically, sometimes mentally, and sometimes even both. The swimmer or runner with low times from the start. The coordinated basketball player with an effortless jump shot. The sweet swing of a baseball or softball star who had it just click from day one.
I've also covered kids who struggle with hand-eye coordination. Or physicality. Or an understanding of plays and concepts. Or, simply put, just not being very athletic by nature.
Their times lag. Their averages are subpar. In a linear world of "success" and "failure," they're often labeled the latter without a passing thought.
Here's where it gets interesting, though: the superior athlete might only be scratching the surface on their true potential and actually underachieving. The inferior one could, simultaneously, be maxing out.
No one is created equal. There is no such thing as a level playing field. Only in expected outcomes. And we fall victim to that incredibly tangible, simplistic thought process, because that's how the sports world often works.
My kid wins, so he must be good. My child's team has a great record, so they have to be great. If it's the opposite, that means the opposite. Right?
There are so many variables that should otherwise be taken into consideration. And that typically requires a brutally honest, sometimes-uncomfortable conversation.
Wins and losses matter, of course, but it's relative. Instead of living in a black-and-white land of statistics and percentages, think of it this way: is my child improving? Does my child have fun and work hard? Does my child show interest and passion? Is my child willing to learn? Is my child a loyal teammate with an inclusive attitude?
I've seen "good" athletes and "great" teams actually do very little vis a vis their true ability level. I've seen sub-par athletes and mediocre teams accomplish as much as they possibly could - even when most deem it unworthy of mention.
You may choose to live in a world where success is defined strictly by quantified measurements. Many do. If a kid is an all-conference performer or an all-state singer or a straight-A student, they're on the right track. Anything less means they aren't.
Truth, or a trap?
I've seen enough to believe that the best approach and perspective is to measure the quiet intangibles along the way - especially relative to their own individual skillset. Take inventory of your child's trajectory away from the scores and highlights. Make it more about the process. Play the long game.
Results are often defined by ability in the moment. True success has much more nuance to it. A look that sustains, withstands the test of time, fights through adversity, and breeds the kind of real-world leaders we need to persevere through a time often dominated by instant gratification.
Be the adult that helps a child understand the difference. The sooner the better.
Winning is neither everything nor the only thing for kids still trying to find their purpose. Personal, steady growth is what truly matters most - long after the scores and accolades fade away.
Success, first and foremost, is a state of mind.
Eric Pratt is Sports Editor at The Messenger. Contact him via email at sports@messengernews.net, or on Twitter @ByEricPratt