Disagreement gets a bad reputation. We tend to treat it as something to avoid or smooth over as quickly as possible. But disagreement itself isn’t the problem. How we handle it is.

In community work, disagreement is unavoidable. People come to the table with different experiences, priorities, and pressures. That doesn’t mean everyone is acting in bad faith. More often, it means they’re seeing different parts of the same picture.

I saw a good example of this recently during a budget discussion. A department head came forward with a clear and firm position about staff pay, rooted in fairness and the rising cost of living. A couple of us on the board also raised concerns about state limits on growth, uncertainty around future property tax changes, and rising costs for goods, supplies, and services, some of which are completely outside local control.

We didn’t all agree. But no one raised their voice. No one walked out.

What we did do was listen. We asked questions. We explained our reasoning. We acknowledged each other’s concerns. And when the conversation ended, it ended respectfully. Everyone left the room with a better understanding than when they walked in.

That’s what healthy disagreement looks like.

It’s important to be clear about this: Not all disagreements are the same. There is a real difference between debating policy choices and questioning basic human rights. Some values are not up for negotiation. The dignity, safety, and humanity of people fall squarely in that category.

But when we’re talking about how we fund services, how we balance competing needs, or how we move forward as a community, disagreement is part of the work. Those conversations can be uncomfortable without being harmful. They can be firm without being cruel.

Too often, we confuse disagreement with disrespect. They aren’t the same thing. You can strongly disagree with someone and still value their perspective. You can hold a clear position without dismissing the person across from you. You can leave a conversation without consensus and still treat each other with respect.

That approach doesn’t come naturally for most of us. It takes patience. It takes restraint. It takes a willingness to stay in the room even when it would be easier to shut down or walk away.

Our community is full of people who care deeply. About fairness, accountability, doing right by one another. When their ideas about those values collide, though, disagreement is often the result. That doesn’t mean the system is broken. It means people are engaged.

Which is a good thing.

Disagreement isn’t the problem. The problem is when we stop listening, stop recognizing each other’s humanity, or stop believing that we can work through hard things – together.

Niki Conrad is a Webster County supervisor.