“My name is Josi and I need help.”

Those eight words — spoken between anxious breaths — saved Josi Pahl’s life. It was June 16, 2013.

The night before had been the worst night of the 18-year-old’s life. Feeling helpless to stop her addiction to drugs, she laid in bed and begged God to let her die.

Instead, when she woke that morning, she called Community and Family Resources.

Pahl, who is originally from Webster City, was just 12 years old when some of her peers offered her marijuana.

“I wanted to be cool and they were smoking some weed and I wanted to be part of the cool kids,” she said.

Using drugs just made sense to the teen. Pahl had grown up in a home where excessive use of alcohol was common and alcohol was always available. She described it as “chaos.”

“Growing up in that kind of environment and always feeling empty or chaotic and like you just don’t have any control, for the first time I had something that gave me relief,” she said. “The first time I ever tried [marijuana], I knew that that was something I wanted to do all the time.”

Pahl continued to smoke with her friends, an activity that slowly progressed from every once in a while to every day.

“I can’t tell you exactly when it happened, when it turned from having fun to I was addicted,” she said.

It may have started with marijuana, but Pahl’s substance use quickly evolved to include alcohol and pills.

“Basically anything I could get my hands on,” she said.

Eventually, at age 17 and while a senior in high school, Pahl tried methamphetamine for the first time.

“That rocked my world,” she said. “I can tell you from the moment I had tried meth, I was hooked. … I knew I was hooked and I knew I needed it all the time.”

Being dependent on drugs changed Pahl’s personality. She went from a happy, bubbly teenager to someone angry and “extremely suicidal.” She didn’t care about anyone else. She just wanted to know where she was going to get her next hit from.

“I wanted to die,” she said. “I knew I couldn’t live life while using drugs, but I didn’t know how to live life without drugs, so I thought that the only option was to kill myself.”

As Pahl’s high school graduation neared, some teachers sat her down and told her they had noticed a change in her, and they asked her if she needed help.

“I was really upset about it because I thought that I was keeping it a secret,” she said. “And I just didn’t want any help.”

It was just a couple weeks later when, after that one awful night, Pahl spoke to her therapist and decided to make the phone call to CFR.

“I had realized that my only goal in life was to graduate and I completed it,” she said. “I did not know what my future looked like, but I didn’t plan on living past 18. I had no goals.”

Everyone’s “rock bottom” is different, she said, and she had hit hers.

Entering detox and residential treatment at CFR, Pahl remembers looking at herself in the mirror –really looking at herself for the first time in a long time — and she made a promise. She promised herself that she was going to get better and she was going to be OK.

“I think at that time I started to realize that I was making very big adult decisions, and adult decisions have adult consequences,” she said.

Fresh out of high school, Pahl decided to approach her treatment program like school. She did have a lot to learn, after all.

“I literally had my backpack that I had from school and I had my little 2013 tassel from my graduation hanging on the back,” she said.

Pahl completed the 30-day residential treatment program, and suddenly she was filled with fear again — she was going to be released back out into the world.

“That’s a very scary situation because I didn’t know how I could leave treatment and be out in the real world without my safe zone and just simply live life without using drugs,” she said. “It was easy in the treatment center because I was safe, but I was going to have to go out and I was terrified.”

Her counselor had told her about a new two-year residential recovery program that was going to be starting in Fort Dodge called Gateway to Discovery. Pahl wouldn’t be able to move in right away because it wouldn’t open for a few months, so she found a sober house to stay at until she moved into the recovery house on Oct. 21, 2013.

“I was ready for a new life,” she said. “I was ready to do something different.”

Through the two-year program at Gateway to Discovery, Pahl learned a lot. She was able to rebuild her relationships with her family, gain life skills and learn healthy ways to cope. Most importantly, she was able to learn about who Josi is — not the Josi on drugs, but the real Josi.

“I realized that I was here for a reason and that there was more to life than just sitting around doing drugs, because I really thought that life was just a constant misery cycle,” she said.

Part of that education was understanding that addiction isn’t a character flaw — it’s a disease, an illness. That helped her approach recovery in a different way.

“If you have a disease, you’ve got to do things to stop it from progressing,” she said.

Gateway to Discovery also helped Pahl develop a deep spiritual relationship with God, something she didn’t have before.

On Oct. 21, 2015, Pahl became the first graduate of Gateway to Discovery.

Pahl will never be able to quantify all that she’s gained from her time in CFR’s residential treatment program and Gateway to Discovery’s recovery program.

“I walked into treatment just wanting to quit [drugs], but I got so much more than that,” she said. “Every single step that I took is why I have the life that I have today.”

Today, Pahl spends her days helping women who are going through the same challenges she went through nearly a decade ago — she’s the coordinator of Hope Sweet Hope Studios, the social enterprise of Gateway to Discovery.

“I’m only 27 — there’s still so much more ahead of me and I’m so grateful for the opportunities that were presented to me in treatment and being able to go to Gateway,” she said. “It’s taken me so far and I’m just excited for what’s next and to show other people out there that recovery is possible. It is possible.”

Newsletter

Today's breaking news and more in your inbox

I'm interested in (please check all that apply)

• Daily Newsletter
• Breaking News
• Obituaries

Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *

• Yes
• No