“She asked me if she was mean to anyone and I assured her she was not,” said Tim Heller, of Humboldt. “She never lost who she was as a person. That was one of her last concerns was to make sure she didn’t say anything to hurt anybody.”

Savannah Heller, of Fort Dodge, passed away in September of 2020 after battling a terminal illness for over two years. She was 51.

She was diagnosed with emphysema of the lungs in April of 2017. Following the diagnosis, she kept a daily journal. In it she details her experiences and how she was feeling leading up to her death.

Her journal entries have been published in a book titled “Diary of a Dying Woman.”

-Submitted photo
Savannah Heller, left, and Tim Heller are pictured on a vacation out west in 2010. Tim Heller hopes the book, "Diary of a Dying Woman," detailing his late wife's experience with terminal illness, will help others who may be facing a similar situation.

“She got sick pretty bad but she kept writing in her journal,” said Tim Heller. “After she passed I went through her journals and put them in a book and put conversation in the book about what was going on at the time. It was not complete when she passed, but after she passed the goal was to finish the book for her and for others who might be dealing with the same situation.”

He finished the book in January 2021. It hit the shelves in November 2021.

Tim Heller is a social worker for Kindred Hospice. As part of his job, he travels to visit with families dealing with grief.

“I had some training and preparation, but dealing with it yourself is a whole different ball game,” he said. “I’ve done a lot of explaining about the grief process. It takes a huge emotional toll on you mentally and spiritually. For me, we had adult children that came back to help care for her. They were still in their late 20s. They still think of her every day. What she wanted was for us to continue living and continue to be happy, so that’s what we have been focused on.”

Tim Heller said the loss of a loved one is never easy.

“It’s not something you ever get over,” he said. “You are always going to love that person and miss them. But you do realize there’s hope. The book is a message about hope — about love, loss and hope.”

Tim Heller and Savannah Heller are known for their DJ work around Fort Dodge. The two owned and operated SwaggerZ, a bar that was located on the third floor of the Eagles Ballroom. Savannah Heller also worked at Northwoods Living.

In Savannah’s diary, there are days with short descriptions and other days that have more lengthy entries.

The entries show a glimpse into the daily struggles of someone dealing with an illness.

“It talks about some of the things she was disappointed with,” Tim Heller said. “She had never really done anything wrong in her life. She bent over backwards for people. If a sparrow broke its wing in our yard, she would try to nurse it back to health.”

In one entry, Savannah explains her frustration in having to use a cart to get around Walmart.

“She was angry because she had to use the cart to get around Walmart and felt embarrassed and angry that she needed that assistance,” Tim Heller said. “It goes into in-depth conversations — what it was like to lose everything. It does show the very human side of things. It’s not written from a clinical side of things. It’s just pretty much a straight forward conversation.”

Other conversations were about Tim and Savannah as a couple.

“She wanted me to, after she passed, to continue to live my life and someday have a relationship,” he said. “It’s not something that was real light.”

Tim Heller is happy that he was able to finish the book. His hope is that it can help others.

“It was one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done in my life for sure,” he said. “The main purpose was to help others. It’s the one thing everyone has to deal with is dying. With spouses and children and the reality of it is I think this book will be a big help to see the viewpoint of the dying person. When you get someone with a terminal illness, things that you have to consider. We had to put in a bathroom because she couldn’t use the stairs, getting a living will, talking to your children — things like that.”

He added, “Death is the one thing we all avoid talking about but it’s the one thing we all experience, so I think this book will help us open up about it.”

“Diary of a Dying Woman” is available at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon.