Honestly, I don't ask for this stuff - it just falls into my hands.
Well, gets shoved into my hands electronically, but we all know how I feel about that, so talking about that is like beating a dead horse. At least, that's what my dad would have said.
One of my latest e-mail missives came from a woman named Laura Baumgartner, which intrigued me because the first Baumgartners I ever knew - and possibly the only, but my brain isn't in memory mode at this time - were in the Prospect Valley and Roggen area of Colorado, about 50 miles northeast of Denver.
A gorgeous place, that. And with a perfect view of the white-capped Rocky Mountains. Or, so it was 40 years ago. One of the last times we hit the area on our way to Denver, all you could see was a low brown cloud. No crisp mountain peaks, no breathtaking view of the Rockies.
I remember once taking my grandpa Gus with me from our little place in Keenesburg to Roggen on an ad run. Walt and I owned the small weekly paper in Keenesburg - the Keene Valley Sun - and I sold the ads.
As we drove east, I noticed the mountains in my rear-view window and said, "Grandpa, turn around and look at how beautiful they are."
He didn't move. "They'll be there when we turn around," he said.
Can't argue that logic.
Anyway, this lady named Laura Baumgartner sent me information about what she calls "a way to relax and unwind," but she goes on to say it's like "the bed of nails yogis used thousands of years ago to naturally stimulate the release of endorphins and oxytocin, the body's own pain relief hormone."
The body wouldn't need a pain relief hormone had it not been lying on nails.
"Flowers, chocolate or breakfast in bed are a good way to let mom know you are thinking about her on Mother's Day, but what she really needs the most is a way to relax and unwind quickly any day of the year." That's what Laura wrote, adding, "The Halsa Wellness Mat allows her to do just that."
Now, call me quirky, but I refuse to believe lying on nails is a good way to relax.
The mat, Laura says, "consists of 8,820 spikes that stimulate your body's acupressure points. Simply lying on the mat for 10 minutes yields the benefits of increased blood circulation, lower blood pressure and increased nutrient delivery throughout the body. Some users have even found that using the mat has helped to reduce the appearance of cellulite, increase energy levels, reduce muscle tension, headaches and back pain."
Those 8,820 spikes must be made of angel-dust gold to offer all that. Still, I'd be willing to give it a go. You'd just need a crane to lower me prone onto the mat because I'm certainly not going to sit in one spot and swivel onto the mat to lie down.
I can hear it now - an explosion of biblical proportions as I sit and twist on a spike. I'd explode, and like a deflating balloon, fly around the room until I fall, a quivering mass in the corner.
Grandpa would have turned around to watch that, I'll bet.
So long friends, until the next time when we're together.
Contact Sandy Mickelson at (515) 573-2141 or firstname.lastname@example.org