You just never know what's going to show up in my e-mail.
A few weeks back, some chick named Brittany wrote to me "on behalf of Kenmore" about vital health statistics relating to dust.
I've no idea if Brittany has a last name or not. She's certainly not a teacher because they don't have first names. Maybe Brittany should marry a teacher and get herself a last name. Well, that sounds just a little catty. Meow.
E-mail capability has brought into this world a two-headed monster, if you ask me.
The first head of this annoying monster is the way people who are trying to persuade you to do something use your first name only when they write to you. As if I'm too stupid to realize this Brittany really isn't a friend.
The second head - well, rats, I got so worked up about Brittany I forgot what the second head is. Give me a minute. Oh, ISHR.
I Should Have Remembered how much I dislike using initials where words should be. Acronym, that's called. Using letters instead of words. Probably not five e-mails come in without at least one of them using letters for something, and that one usually gets tanked unless I know the person and already know what the letters mean.
There aren't many things that peeve me, and certainly no pet things, but I do so hate the use of acronyms. It's like the person using it figures everybody in the world should know it if he uses it.
Why? Why should I be expected to live a life full of capital letters instead of words? That's just crazy.
But getting back to Brittany. She says, "The cold winter months make even a glimmer of sunshine in the window a welcome visitor. Unfortunately, those rays also shine a spotlight on dust! Don't feel bad about your cleaning skills - a recent Cornell University study found Earth's dust count has doubled over the last century."
Then she runs on with information about allergies and the fact it's no surprise that more than 50 percent of Americans suffer from allergies. From there she goes on about how "Kenmore is up to the challenge with a variety of vacuum options to best suit your dust and allergy needs."
I like Kenmore stuff - always have - but I don't need help with my dust. My dust and I are old friends, practically on a first-name basis. In fact, we're considering planting a flower garden together come spring.
Also, I remember learning once that a constant shuffling of dust in a home keeps the air full, making it much more difficult for a person to breathe than if the dust had been left alone.
And really, once the dust is, say, half an inch deep, it's too thick to blow around anyway.
So long friends, until the next time when we're together.
Contact Sandy Mickelson at (5154) 57302141 or firstname.lastname@example.org