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Happy Father’s Day, Dad

“Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation. They are teachers and coaches. They are mentors and role models. They are examples of success and the men who constantly push us toward it.”-Barack Obama, Father’s Day speech, Chicago, Illinois, June 15, 2008

Fathers are important coaches in the lives of their children.

The words a coach says from the bench, in time-outs and pregame huddles all have a big impact on how players perform on the field or court. Have you watched a game where the players can’t do anything right in the first half; only to come out in the second half and play like champions? Odds are good that the coach gave a great halftime speech and somehow communicated well what his team was doing well and not so well.

In the same way, what you say to your children each day has influence on your child; for good or ill. Your child should receive continual encouragement and affirmation. Don’t assume that hearing praise from teachers, coaches, mom or other people is enough. Your child needs to hear from you. You can live out and model love all you want, but saying the words are crucial to helping your child develop confidence and character. It’s up to you, Dad.

Fathers are important. Over the course of time, we have learned more about the essential roles of both mothers and fathers in the healthy development of children. Contemporary studies consistently show that children with involved, loving fathers are much more likely to do well in school; have healthy self-esteem; exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior; and avoid high risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and delinquent activity, than children who have uninvolved fathers.

In America, 23.6 percent of children lived in father-absent homes in 2014. These children may not have the opportunity to wish their father a Happy Father’s Day and are feeling that sadness today. Father absence is not a single issue. With 17.4 million children going through their day without the love and support of their father, we are facing a crisis in child well-being that affects all aspects of child welfare. Increased father involvement is a means to an end because an involved father brings many benefits to mothers and children. We often treat child support as the fathers’ only critical responsibility to their children. Financial support is important but data shows that outcomes for children will improve not by virtue of financial support alone, but also through high-quality interactions between fathers and their children.

A father is the necessary piece of the parenting puzzle. He compliments and helps the mother with his different strengths. He is the male influence and masculine example for his children. It is important for him to be there for his children through his love, discipline and support.

Owners manuals come with about anything you can buy these days, from cameras and appliances, to Mercedes Benzes. These manuals tell you everything you need to know about the product; how to open and close, how to change the batteries, how to troubleshoot and so much more. I doubt any of us have read these manuals as thoroughly as we should but they are there if we need them.

While I would like every dad to read a parenting manual, it’s not going to happen, especially by the fathers that need it most. What we can do is make fathering programs available in the community. Children & Families of Iowa provides a comprehensive fathering program for fathers called 24:7 Dads. This is a free, voluntary program that meets weekly for 12 weeks to empower fathers of all races, religions, cultures and backgrounds to be the best father they can be. The program is offered in Webster, Calhoun and Pocahontas counties throughout the year. The 24:7 Dads program was designed by the National Fatherhood Initiative to equip fathers with the self-awareness, compassion and sense of responsibility needed to positively engage with their children, explore topics such as discipline, communication, co-parenting, as well as showing and handling emotions. Fathers may call Children & Families of Iowa (515-573-2193) for additional information and to enroll in 24:7 Dads.

I challenge all fathers to be “Coach Dad” and the positive influence your child needs. When it comes to fatherhood, you won’t have all the answers and you can’t fix everything. But you can be there – and that is enough. Children spell love “T-I-M-E”!

Denise Herrington is the community services supervisor at Children & Families of Iowa in Fort Dodge.

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